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Thursday, February 11, 2010 | 2:25 AM | 0 comments
Guys in my class like the ones closer to us, are very weird. At least to me. They treat me different as compared to my friends. The guys, they talk to my friends like they are friends, good friends. But to me, like enemies. They have to scold me or make fun of me at least one time in a day. How mant times would that be in 365 days ?! I just dont understand. Im like someone who can be bullied easily. Like a little girl. But im not one anymore ! Im fourteen ! How young can that be ? I thought about transferring school many times. Why ? Cause I cant take the life im facing now. God gives us challenges in our life, to see if we can overcome them, to see if we can climb the brick wall in front of us, or we'll be stuck there and we cant move. Well, I cant move, Im stuck, I cant take the challenges God is giving me. Ive dissapointed everyone. Im sorry. They say that people must learn from their mistakes. I just dont. Im much too different. Maybe I should just go to this school where evryone is like me. Is there a place like that? Ive always thought that school is the best place on Earth. I didnt like home. But now, I love home more than school. Home to me, is heaven, it's paradise. Everything belongs to me, everything is like me, everything listens to me. I cant be any more happier at home. But yet again, I can. Cause I dont like home too. Im not the way I used to be. I feel weak and fragile, like a piece of paper that would break any minute. Ive lost faith and hope in life. Will God shine light into the darkness of my world, the darkness of my heart ? If i cant stand on solid ground right here, right now, how can I face the future ?

Maybe it's a misunderstanding, ok, fine, then just blame my stubborness. If i could rate my life, 1 being the lowest(suckiest life) and 10 being the best life anyone can ever get, i think my life would be 0.0000000000001. If there is a line in life, I'd be standing on one end, while everyone else would be standing one the other end. Being far away from everyone feels empty, lonely. I never thought that one day, i'll be as sad as i am now. I'd never thought that that day would come so fast...
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一次的希望, 给我们勇气;
两次的盼望, 给我们力量;
三次的渴望, 给我们失望, 因为越大的希望, 使我们越失望.
学着不去渴望太多.
Guess who wrote this?
ALYSSA DID ! (well, with a little help from Evvie :))
Aint she great ?
(I thought that this would be a motivation for me. Haha, guess im wrong...)
She wrote something else that you'll think she's even more great : (at least i know some people will think that she's 'great')
Alyssa sucks. She doesnt know how to live life.
Aint she awesome? HAHHAHA.

-This is so emo. As people say, some people are traumatised when young, i guess i am too. just that it's not 'young' when i was traumatised, it's now.
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Even if Im short, so what ? There are advantages. Not all tall people lead a good life. You say that im short, i give a damn about it. God shouldnt give you such a good life. Cause you dont deserve it. I may not deserve my good life(well, it was good before everything just totally went bizarre and topsy-turvey), cause some people may not like me, but i tried.
据说希腊神话中的天神普罗米修斯造人的时候, 在人的脖子上挂了两个袋子, 一个袋子装别人的缺点,挂在身前, 另一个装自己的缺点, 挂在身后, 所以人很容易看到别人的缺点而看不到自己的.
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FUCK zhuofan and ruifeng, they have gone too far. At first i was thinking that i'll handle the problems im facing now with patience and calmness. But today after school, zf said something to me that is damn hurtful. And worse, rf chipped in. I feel like shit. Suddenly I feel so self-conscious. Now I really feel like transferring... :( even now when i see someone taller than me, i'll feel very scared that they'll make fun of me. Im sick of crying myself to sleep at night, tired of living, i dont wanna try anymore...

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